Raising Resilient Children

So, I said I would be addressing a different topic this week, but I am postponing that topic to address something that I found intriguing from one of my other classes on resilient children.  "How well children respond to setbacks depends largely on how well their parents helped them develop the attitudes and the skills of resilience.   Life is full of trials.  The Lords says that He has chosen us "in the furnace of affliction (Isaiah 48:10), and that we will be "tried, even as Abraham" (D&C 101:4), and that adversity will "give [us] experience, and shall be for [our] good" (D&C 122:7).  Lyle J. Burrup.  After hearing this, we have a responsibility as parents to help our children be able to be resilient to these trials and learn how to be strong individuals. 

This week we talked about risk and resilience.  What does "At Risk" mean?  In class we learned that to be at risk is a behavior or environment that are strongly linked to negative outcomes.  What are some of those behaviors?  Poverty, low birth weight, and lack of education are some that were mentioned in class.  I liked our discussion that talked about some of the at risks factors for those that were in poverty and low birth weight.  These could include the following:  developmental lags, more susceptible to illness, crime, violence, low education, drugs and substance abuse, risky sexual relations, and single parent homes.  The best therapy for these "at risk" individuals is an educated, well inform and involved parent.  Something that affects poverty more than all of these though is No Dad in the Home.  Two parents that are engaged and involved are the best environment for them.  

 

So how does one get resilience? First off, resilience is the ability to "bounce back" from something; it is a resistance to change.  Some of the resilient factors are genetics, environment, independence and temperament.  Qualities that I would like to have my children continue to develop are a hard worker, that they can do hard things, they can make good use of their time to be more productive, they will be resourceful, to lean on their faith and know what it's like to feel the spirit, stay positive even when times get tough, know how to cope when they get stressed, and how to handle and budget their money.    After talking with my partner in class, we decided that our children are always watching us.  We are their example and for the best way to teach our children qualities that we want them to have, we must also exemplify these same qualities.  We are always an example! To be resilient they need to have qualities that they know how to deal with life.  Children best learn from natural consequences of their decisions, but if we do not provide them with tools to know how to adapt, then it will be harder for for them to be resilient.  In D&C 122:7 it says that adversity will "give experience, and shall be for good".

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

In 1995, the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issued a proclamation to the world concerning the family. It summarizes eternal gospel principles that have been taught since the beginning of recorded history and even before the earth was created.  Before President Gordon B. Hinckley read “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” at a general meeting of the Relief Society in September 1995, he said: “With so much of sophistry that is passed off as truth, with so much of deception concerning standards and values, with so much of allurement and enticement to take on the slow stain of the world, we have felt to warn and forewarn. In furtherance of this we of the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles now issue a proclamation to the Church and to the world as a declaration and reaffirmation of standards, doctrines, and practices relative to the family which the prophets, rs, and revelators of this church have repeatedly stated throughout its history” (“Stand Strong against the Wiles of the World,”Ensign,Nov. 1995, 100).
 
In my blog over the next couple of months I would like to break down this proclamation and write what it means to me.  I have also attached a copy of the proclamation if you would like to read the whole thing quicker than I can blog about it. https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/images/gospel-library/manual/34190/34190_000_WWC_26-FamProc.pdf

I love the title of the proclamation The Family: A Proclamation to the World.  It very clearly addresses families. We all belong to a family.  The audience for this proclamation is the whole world! And what are we doing?  Proclaiming those that we sustain as prophets, seers, and revelators.  This titile means that the proclamation can help anyone in the world! I am excited to blog about each of the meanings in the proclamation.  Next week, I will blog about the following paragraph:

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

1. “We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

Stress and Coping

Just in one week of class, I have learned far more about the words "stress" and "coping" than I have ever thought about them before!  I've always thought that stress is a reaction from your mind and body to certain situation or things.  I stress very easily about most things.  Some stressors in my life I have learned how to control. I was excited to take this class not only for my degree, but to find ways that could help me.  I have been pleasantly surprised to be told that stress can be positive or negative.  Yay for positive stress!  In class, stress was talked about as in trees, a bone, and pre-stressed concrete.  When talking about the stress of a tree, that's when I truly understood how stress can be positive.  Stress helps someone or something to stretch beyond what is customary.  A tree truck needs to have stress to bend.  Without this, it could not bend, and the bending of the trunk allows the trunk to thicken which helps it to live longer.  As stress is put on the tree, it also allows the roots of the tree to stretch for water, which also prolong the life of a tree.  I have seen many people stake their young trees at the top with a rebar pole and some string or twine.  This does not allow the tree to have tension to bend, which does not thicken the trunk resulting in a short life.  I have thought a lot about this concept since class and families.  How many times do we see or find ourselves as parents "holding" onto our children and not allowing them to experience life.  We may do this so they don't fail or they don't get embarassed, but this actually stunts their mental and emotional growth.  Without this stretching on family members, we can not be stressed or grow to our full potential. In the Book of Mormon, Lehi has pointed out that "opposition is essential for personal growth." Research has shown that those with a hardy view of stress, for example, will look at a potentially difficult event as a challenge rather than as something to be feared.

 

This leads into the second part of our week's discussion on coping.  I loved the example of the coping saw and crown moulding in class.  I know I am a visual learner, so that was perfect for me to understanding more about coping.  A coping saw can cut into wood where other saws can't.  It cuts with intricate detail for two pieces to come together on an inward wall.   The illustration of how the moulding was put into place with a person on both ends and then one or two people in the middle putting stress on the moulding for it to slide into place. You then add a small bit of caulking to finish the moulding for it to be a finished, beautiful project.  I thought that in a family we also need everyone to work together to come together beautifully and with a tight fit.  When someone is not helping out or doing their part, then it is hard for everyone to see the beauty of the situation because they were not involved in the work. I then thought how the caulking could be the outside influences we may need, as in the gospel, or friends, or counselors to help us complete a stressful situation. When referring to a swimming pool, Bro. Williams said in class, "Good coping saves lives."  I now, more than ever, believe this. 

This is going to be a great semester!