Dealing with and overcoming Crisis

"Each of us will have our own Fridays -- those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death -- Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come." - Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

I knew I had to include this amazing quote in my blog that Bro. Williams shared with us in our syllabus. I just loved it! I will jump to assumptions that each of you reading my blog have had some kind of crisis in your life. How did you deal with it? And how did you deal with the stress that was associated with it? I would like to share a personal crisis in my life and my coping mechanism.

In 2006 and then again in 2008, my world came tumbling down on me when I had a miscarriage each of those times. One of the miscarriages scared me to death, literally physically and the second miscarriage in 2008 emotionally destroyed me. I would like to focus on the latter. Since I experienced this heartache once, I thought that the 2nd time I was more ready mentally for this. I had 4 lives births and what are the odds to have another miscarriage? I felt different. I knew my body was making the appropriate changes it needed- at least I was growing. I was further along- almost 12 weeks. My kids old enough to understand what had happened before repeatedly asked me if this baby was going to die like the last one and my response was always the same, "No, it is different this time." I went in that morning to have my appointment. Brian asked if he should go and this being my 6th time going through this and knowing he had work meetings, I quickly said, "It's ok, I am going to be fine and I know you have work that needs to get done" and off I went. Oh how I wish I would've had him there. The nurse could not hear a heartbeat, the next nurse could not hear a heartbeat, and then a third nurse could not hear a heartbeat. I still was not worried. I have a tipped uterus and I knew that from past experience that sometimes the doctors and nurses had a hard time finding a heartbeat that first or second appointment. Anyway, off they sent me to get an ultrasound. I called my husband to inform him what was going on and he then asked again if he should come meet me. Again, I said, "Honey, I am not even worried. I am going to be fine." Laying on the table getting an ultrasound I was fine, until I heard the words, "There definitely is a baby there and there definitely is no heartbeat." My baby was again taken from me. I was in shock! The thoughts that this can't be happening again to me and how do I tell my kids who were SO excited to have a baby again in the home would not escape my mind.

Fast forward to the next morning, we shared with my kids that we had lost our baby, many tears and hugs were shared between all of us. It was as devastating to them as it was to me, but in a very different manner of course.

How did I deal with this? Well, to be totally honest, I didn't for awhile. The first week or two, I laid in bed very sad and depressed. My kids would go off to school and I decided nothing could really motivate me. I had some "angels" in my life that would come over clean my house, make me dinner, sit with me, watch a movie with me, take my kids after school, etc. What a valuable resource to me-my friends! My family lived out of state except one sister who was 1 1/2 hr. away, but they also were a valuable resource. My sister took my kids on the weekend and I had a sister-in-law who had gone through the same thing and literally called me everyday! I will never forget the days that were really hard, I would look forward to her call. That was my "light" in my day. Another very valuable resource to me was my faith. I knew that because of Heavenly Father's plan that I would get to see this baby again! But I was not emotionally ready to move on. It hurt too bad! The coping mechanism that I used was denial. After a couple of weeks, the calls became more infrequent and I knew this was not healthy to not "live" and I had to pretend that I was ok to be a good mother to the rest of my children. Looking back, I know it was ok to pretend for awhile because as time went by little by little, I knew I would be ok. Kids are resilient, they were sad, but accepted and moved on it seemed in no time. My husband was a huge support to me. A man's experience through something like this is very different from the mother's. The emotional attachment had not yet begun for him, I believe because it was so early on. In time, I was fine as well.

I loved some of the comments in class this week from Bro. Williams. "The minute adjustments we make become enormous", and "copying is not just learning how to get by." As I view my crisis in regards to these statements, I do notice that is was just the smallest minute adjustments that helped me start coping with my situation. I also notice that copying was not getting me back to who I was. I had to do more than that to live again. Heavenly Father loves each of us. We came to this earth to grow and have trails, and without them we cannot grow and become like Him. I am thankful for trials that have helped me discover who I am and what I am made of.